You might be a Redneck....

[Nilly_Chipples]

I wanna have a jokes thread going so hear we are .......lets hear your "You might be a Redneck" lines.


If N'sync is where u think ur dishes are.....u might be a Redneck.

[The Hunter (old account)]

What the bleep do you mean? Might be a redneck, hell i am a red neck.
If when you open the freezer, you see eyeballs looking back from your hunting trip, you just might be a redneck.
If you are target shooting in the back yard, and you start explaining the killzone using the family cat as a refference, while the cat is crossing your point of aim.
You might be a redneck.

[Nilly_Chipples]

AHHHH Lmao.......Hunter thats great!

I just got done watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour w/ Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvell, Larry the Cable Guy and Ron White, I have never laughed so hard in my life . It's great ,, catch it if you can.:thumbsup:


If your momma can tell a State Highway patrolman to kiss her A** without removing the Marlboro from her lips.......you might be a Redneck.


(Ambers life) I used to live in a town of MAYBE 50 ppl , one day my husband and a friend were trying to remove (by welding) the cab of a truck when it caught on fire. There was no danger to anyone or anything we were just sitting making sure it stayed contained etc. when 7 Police Officers 2 Fire trucks and a State Cop all rammed into our drive. When they asked what was happening I (the sober one ) walked over from the kids' pool w/ my butt naked 1 yr old in my arms and said ..........ummm they caught the cab on fire , it's ok.


Dum dee dumm......I think I also qualify for the Redneck status.:D

[Wolfie]

You might be redneck:

-If You have 5 cars in your yard and none of them runs.
-If you see a sign that says, "say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
-if you have been on TV 5 times descrbing what the tornado ounded like.
-if you have been too drunk to fish.
-if everyday someone comes to your house mistakenly thinking you are having a yard sale.
-if you ever made change in the offering plate.
-if you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
-If the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
-If going to the bathroom in middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
-If your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.

Courtesy of Jeff Foxworthy that is.

[Fister]

you might be a redneck ifyou mow your front lawn and find 5 cars growing out of it :D Actually happend to a guy I used to know

[The Hunter (old account)]

If your underwear doubles as your swimsuit.
You might be a redneck.
Now dammit no finger pointing here.

[The Hunter (old account)]

If you are at a dance, and someone yells, Hoe down, and your wife hits the floor.
You might be a redneck.

[rastagard]

Redneck Jedi

You might be a Redneck Jedi if.....
* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookies are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark
side...it'll be a hoot."
* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your
land-speeder.
* You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get
in through the window.
* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood
deck.
* You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina
scene.
* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you
didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock
thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt
had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
* If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father and your uncle."

[The Hunter (old account)]

If your family tree doesnt fork you might be a redneck.

[Nilly_Chipples]

Redneck Jedi *laughs uncontrollably*



If you have more than one singing fish in your home , you might be a redneck.

[Wolfie]

If you go to the family reunion to meet women, you might be a redneck.

[Shades Coolray]

What if your Ford Bronco gives itself an oil change (slow leak?) I parked it out on the front curb and after I sold it, it looked like the Exxon-Valdez ran aground there.:D
It went through a box of 10W40 motor oil every month (from Wal-Mart.)

Also, me and my dad went fishing last month off the Pismo pier and we didn't bring a knife to cut the bait up with, so we took a kitchen knife from our hotel room.

I have plently more, but it's late so I'm not thinking really well at the moment. I'm the king of Rednecks.

Also, my signature is a country music song quote.

[Carrie]

you might be a redneck ifyou mow your front lawn and find 5 cars growing out of it



OMG Amber you are a red kneck!!!! (j\k)

[Nilly_Chipples]

PPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTT @ feenies-wife.

Look whos talking (this from the gal who did not want a burning pile in her yard but her ol man tells her its a MUST-HAVE for that city) LOL



If you jump into your car through the windows (simply because it makes you look cool) you might be a Redneck.

[Nilly_Chipples]

If youve ever used a bar stool as a walker...you might be a Redneck


If you use your 62 International Harvester for a trash can...you might be a Redneck.

If your mother would rather steal your clothes pins off your line because shes too cheap to buy her own...you might be a Redneck


If your brother in law comes up to your place just to try the different beer you drink ...you might be a Redneck
( He came up from Florida to Illinois just for beer)

These are also parts from the life of lil_amb.

[Nilly_Chipples]

Oh god Carrie we could spamthe H#@@ outta this thread !Giggles***********

[Wobbel]

You might be a redneck if:

-You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
-Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
-your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
-your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
-You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.


You might be a redneck if you understand this (http://www.redrival.com/redneck/) site

:cheeky: :D :cheeky:

[Nilly_Chipples]

Laughs at Wobbels site .......I understand very well.

[rainbowdemon]

If you live in the thriving mertopolis of Durbin, West Virginia. And occasionally find cattle in your yard and you don't own any. Then you ARE a redneck!!!

[rastagard]

GENERAL

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change sheets.

5. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will ... it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral.



DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.



ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.



PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.



DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago...."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.



THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up as soon as the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they cannot hear you.



WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.



DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.